Tuesday, July 10

30 Something Marriage Reject?

So I read this blog about a girl who inquired about why dating (for marriage) in your 30's is so hard.

I was googling for articles on dating in your 30's.  I'm finding it exceedingly hard.

Here's the thing.  I think I'm a great catch.  I am educated, attractive, and don't have much baggage (no divorces, kids, etc.).  My main "baggage" is MRKH.  I'm pretty flexible on who I am willing to go out with.

Online Dating
I've tried online dating in the last year and it was just plain awful.  I got plenty of guys looking at my profile, but few choosing me.  I really made the profile such that the guy knew I had my stuff together but still had room for someone in my life.  My main issues with the online dating:

1.  One of my friends commented that a lot of the guys on the online sites just were looking for sex.  I do have issues with that (duh!) and don't just have sex with anyone so that's an issue for me.  I'm always leery about sexual experiences with new partners even when I know I look normal.  I wonder if women have given so much to men physically that they don't feel the need to connect on any other level, or if that's just always the way that it has been.  I think the former.

2.  Kids.  Most of the guys state that their ideal mate is someone that they can have kids with.  That totally contradicts (1).  Knowing this up front is good, but it's also more difficult in some ways because this knowledge does shut me down to the idea of being in a relationship with that guy.  While some guys are willing to adopt, many want their own biology, and that's something I can't give.  

3.  The specificity.  Online dating is like a grocery list where you can specify just about everything down to the eye color of the person you want to date.  You can build the perfect physical specimen, hit search and voila! results.  I don't think that's what God had in mind, but that's just me.  

Back to the blog, the people who commented about the luck of finding someone to marry in your thirties as a woman was just dreadful.  There were over 200 comments and most of them said that the girl should find someone who was "good enough" and that spending her 20's being career oriented instead of finding a mate was a mistake.  I so disagree.  I hope this poor girl embraced the fact that being single isn't so bad (marriage isn't always the best choice) and she should not settle.  Some people do have ridiculous expectations, but life does not happen on our timing, no matter how much we try to control it.