Saturday, March 19
Gone, but not for long!
Sorry I have neglected this blog for over a month. I will be back on tomorrow..
Sunday, January 23
Dilation Treatment 2
Honestly, it has been hard for me to come back to this blog and write more at this point...it's the emotions of the dilation that kill me.
But I will plug on. Girls, ladies, if you are reading this and relating, I am so hurting with you. Seriously.
So I started the dilation, and as I mentioned earlier, that was incredibly emotional.
It's hard to hold the dilator in your hand down there, and apply pressure for 20 minutes at a time. It hurt my wrists. There's the physical part of it, but oh the emotional part of it was more difficult. I tried all sorts of different positions, laying on my bed, sitting on it with my underwear and pants on. I tried sitting in a cozy chair pushing on it with my clothes on and a blanket over me. There is no comfortable position. That helped but most of my underwear got stained somehow from the Astroglide. A tinge, that whenever I saw them, was just another reminder of my freakish condition (or so I thought). I tried to dedicate certain pairs of underwear to the dilation. Astroglide is the best lubricant for this process (I tried several and Astroglide is MD recommended). The problem with Astroglide (and really all lube) is that if you don't move the dilators around a bit, they will stick to your skin and pull on it when you try to remove it.
I worked my way up the dilator sizes over the course of the summer, but I was by no means done. I headed back to school for my final semester. My roommate, one of my best friends, knew about what I was doing and she was supportive. It wasn't easy doing it in college, but I managed.
I had no shortage of guys who liked me, but I always wondered if they really knew what I was like, would they really like me? My insecurity reigned, but I still went out a lot. I remember distinctly running into Matt in the stairwell one evening. He said he wanted to be with someone who disliked kids, cause he didn't like them. I'm thinking to myself at that time, just because I can't have kids does not mean I don't like them. I don't know what the heck he was trying to accomplish with that statement.
One of those crazy guy times happened when my friend John asked me to entertain his friend Scott while he worked in Palm Springs. Scott and I went out in John's car, had a great date, and then he wanted to go out to a bar. We walked over to the Sports Tavern, where he proceeded to flirt with a lot of other girls, and I met Mr.T. Mr. T was a Norwegian exchange student who was here learning about American culture. Mr. T invited me to a party a few days later. I showed up, saw him, and then went off with another guy that night. My time with Mr. T was by no means over.
I'll pick up on that next time.
But I will plug on. Girls, ladies, if you are reading this and relating, I am so hurting with you. Seriously.
So I started the dilation, and as I mentioned earlier, that was incredibly emotional.
It's hard to hold the dilator in your hand down there, and apply pressure for 20 minutes at a time. It hurt my wrists. There's the physical part of it, but oh the emotional part of it was more difficult. I tried all sorts of different positions, laying on my bed, sitting on it with my underwear and pants on. I tried sitting in a cozy chair pushing on it with my clothes on and a blanket over me. There is no comfortable position. That helped but most of my underwear got stained somehow from the Astroglide. A tinge, that whenever I saw them, was just another reminder of my freakish condition (or so I thought). I tried to dedicate certain pairs of underwear to the dilation. Astroglide is the best lubricant for this process (I tried several and Astroglide is MD recommended). The problem with Astroglide (and really all lube) is that if you don't move the dilators around a bit, they will stick to your skin and pull on it when you try to remove it.
I worked my way up the dilator sizes over the course of the summer, but I was by no means done. I headed back to school for my final semester. My roommate, one of my best friends, knew about what I was doing and she was supportive. It wasn't easy doing it in college, but I managed.
I had no shortage of guys who liked me, but I always wondered if they really knew what I was like, would they really like me? My insecurity reigned, but I still went out a lot. I remember distinctly running into Matt in the stairwell one evening. He said he wanted to be with someone who disliked kids, cause he didn't like them. I'm thinking to myself at that time, just because I can't have kids does not mean I don't like them. I don't know what the heck he was trying to accomplish with that statement.
One of those crazy guy times happened when my friend John asked me to entertain his friend Scott while he worked in Palm Springs. Scott and I went out in John's car, had a great date, and then he wanted to go out to a bar. We walked over to the Sports Tavern, where he proceeded to flirt with a lot of other girls, and I met Mr.T. Mr. T was a Norwegian exchange student who was here learning about American culture. Mr. T invited me to a party a few days later. I showed up, saw him, and then went off with another guy that night. My time with Mr. T was by no means over.
I'll pick up on that next time.
Sunday, January 16
Dilation Treatment
This topic gets difficult for me. It may take me several days to get this out onto paper.
So my mom made me an appointment to go to a specialist about an hour away from home. I was very nervous for this appointment as well. But first, I think I need to explain a bit more about what stirred me to treatment.
It was Matt. I think that the numerous emotions I was going through did not make it easy for him to tell me that he wanted sex, and I understand that now, years later. What bothers me so much about this condition, is the lack of options...I can't have sex until treatment, I can't ever have kids, you know the drill...and I was ready to give myself the option to have sex, when I wanted to do it. So that's why I sought treatment. I was 20.
Now you're probably thinking that is kind of late in the game, since most people have sex earlier, but what I figured with my religious upbringing, was that I was not going to have sex until I was married. When I felt I was in that relationship, I would start the dilation process. That was good logical thinking those days, but as a single 30 year old now, I am somewhat glad I didn't wait...I'll explain the somewhat later too...
So I went to the physician who I will call Dr. X, and he was fabulous. He "prescribed" a set of silicone dilators for me to start the dilation process. For those of you new to this treatment, the dilators come in all sorts of sizes, from pinky to small penis sized (see picture above). I was to dilate twice a day for 20 minutes.
Honestly, it's a bit of a daunting task to think of going from nothing to having a vagina.
Dilating was difficult for me. It hurt (badly), and on top of that, I was actually mad at men during the time I dilated. I know that probably sounds strange, but it made me mad. The physical pain was such that my vaginal area was tender in the morning when I did it and then doing it again at night was nearly unbearable.
(Also check my other dilation info at: http://mrkhlife.blogspot.com/p/dilate-painlessly.html)
So my mom made me an appointment to go to a specialist about an hour away from home. I was very nervous for this appointment as well. But first, I think I need to explain a bit more about what stirred me to treatment.
It was Matt. I think that the numerous emotions I was going through did not make it easy for him to tell me that he wanted sex, and I understand that now, years later. What bothers me so much about this condition, is the lack of options...I can't have sex until treatment, I can't ever have kids, you know the drill...and I was ready to give myself the option to have sex, when I wanted to do it. So that's why I sought treatment. I was 20.
Now you're probably thinking that is kind of late in the game, since most people have sex earlier, but what I figured with my religious upbringing, was that I was not going to have sex until I was married. When I felt I was in that relationship, I would start the dilation process. That was good logical thinking those days, but as a single 30 year old now, I am somewhat glad I didn't wait...I'll explain the somewhat later too...
picture from: http://www.disposablesmedical.com/sale-medical_vaginal_dilators-10956.html
Honestly, it's a bit of a daunting task to think of going from nothing to having a vagina.
Dilating was difficult for me. It hurt (badly), and on top of that, I was actually mad at men during the time I dilated. I know that probably sounds strange, but it made me mad. The physical pain was such that my vaginal area was tender in the morning when I did it and then doing it again at night was nearly unbearable.
(Also check my other dilation info at: http://mrkhlife.blogspot.com/p/dilate-painlessly.html)
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