Merry Christmas!
I am back for a blog or two...time to start working through stuff again...
I was dumped by my boyfriend of three months the day before Christmas. This is my first real boyfriend in several years (sans a man in a marriage that if known, I could turn inside out). I made myself available, to an available person.
He told me that he could not be himself with me. I have no idea who I dated over the past three months. It wasn't "him" and it's devastating.
I am hurting inside. Badly. I just began to feel comfortable with him sexually, and really felt that we were beginning to make strides in the right direction as we grew and got to know each other. It's so hard to just throw in the towel on a relationship that I think only began to blossom.
Sunday, December 25
Monday, March 21
Mr. T Continued
T, I called him that because I couldn't pronounce his name, and I still can't. He's not from here and the sounds are not in our vocabulary.
T taught me about the fact of life part of a sexual encounter--you want it, you get it. It wasn't that brutally horny American man thing, just a natural urge to fill.
That helped me to relax.
Unfortunately, for our, and my, sake, I was not dilated enough to have sex with him at the time I was with him. We tried, and even though both of us knew the situation, I found it to be on the humiliating side. He was understanding and patient with me. I love him for that.
He had to move back to his country 6 months after we met. I wish I had known what a gift he had given me, because I would have done things so much different.
At this point in time I was just starting my first job and in between living situations, so back with the parents for a while.
Over the next few years, I had relationships which I would term a just plain odd. Between married young men, married older men, lots of partying, and my work at a state psychiatric institution, life was just odd.
In retrospect, I think all of those odd relationships fueled me with the relationship depth I was capable of handling. They never went anywhere, and had no future. That was just the way it was.
I was still dilating, just not so frequent. The emotional stain on that was too hard to deal with.
T taught me about the fact of life part of a sexual encounter--you want it, you get it. It wasn't that brutally horny American man thing, just a natural urge to fill.
That helped me to relax.
Unfortunately, for our, and my, sake, I was not dilated enough to have sex with him at the time I was with him. We tried, and even though both of us knew the situation, I found it to be on the humiliating side. He was understanding and patient with me. I love him for that.
He had to move back to his country 6 months after we met. I wish I had known what a gift he had given me, because I would have done things so much different.
At this point in time I was just starting my first job and in between living situations, so back with the parents for a while.
Over the next few years, I had relationships which I would term a just plain odd. Between married young men, married older men, lots of partying, and my work at a state psychiatric institution, life was just odd.
In retrospect, I think all of those odd relationships fueled me with the relationship depth I was capable of handling. They never went anywhere, and had no future. That was just the way it was.
I was still dilating, just not so frequent. The emotional stain on that was too hard to deal with.
Saturday, March 19
Gone, but not for long!
Sorry I have neglected this blog for over a month. I will be back on tomorrow..
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