Okay...so maybe you're wondering how the whole single gal thing has gone. It's tough to go from coupled to single in such short time. It's difficult to think of sharing myself, my story, yet one more time. I can do it.
I still have not talked to him. In a fit of just needing to get my feelings out, I sent him an email that addressed his "reasons" for breaking up with me.
I am sure that you are probably thinking that I am insane (at least some of you). It's really not that crazy. As we age, I think that we all need to be more flexible in our expectations of a partner, and really look to what the ultimate goal of a relationship is for you as an individual. I don't need to share all of my interests with him.
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One of the things I addressed in my note to him was about sex, which even though he didn't mention it in the breakup, I think it may have played a role. We were together for three months. That's not enough time for me to fully relax with a guy in that manner, in fact, I never really have. But I am finally, finally, beginning to feel the MRKH "problem" go away.
Meaning, that I know my vagina works now (thank heavens). I don't even know how to describe this to a guy other than if he were born without a penis. That's a difficult descriptor too, because men can see each other's. Women don't know the normal appearance, function of others vaginas. Really, I know that may sound crazy but its true.
So I started reading What Your Mom Never Told You About S-E-X. For MRKH'ers of all ages who feel insecurity about their bodies, I would recommend this read. It tells you all about anatomy, sex, pleasure, yada yada. I think it will help.
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So I'm working on developing my friend base again. I have friends here and there, but I would like to be a part of a group. Thursday night I went out with a colleague for happy hour. Friday I invited one of my neighbors over and we had some wine together. This afternoon I went to a Meetup group. Tonight I am meeting my parents. I have other things that I am going to start doing including church and more Meetup groups, classes at the gym.
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Till later.
check out my other website: www.mrkhlife.com
Sunday, January 8
Sunday, December 25
Christmas 2011
Merry Christmas!
I am back for a blog or two...time to start working through stuff again...
I was dumped by my boyfriend of three months the day before Christmas. This is my first real boyfriend in several years (sans a man in a marriage that if known, I could turn inside out). I made myself available, to an available person.
He told me that he could not be himself with me. I have no idea who I dated over the past three months. It wasn't "him" and it's devastating.
I am hurting inside. Badly. I just began to feel comfortable with him sexually, and really felt that we were beginning to make strides in the right direction as we grew and got to know each other. It's so hard to just throw in the towel on a relationship that I think only began to blossom.
I am back for a blog or two...time to start working through stuff again...
I was dumped by my boyfriend of three months the day before Christmas. This is my first real boyfriend in several years (sans a man in a marriage that if known, I could turn inside out). I made myself available, to an available person.
He told me that he could not be himself with me. I have no idea who I dated over the past three months. It wasn't "him" and it's devastating.
I am hurting inside. Badly. I just began to feel comfortable with him sexually, and really felt that we were beginning to make strides in the right direction as we grew and got to know each other. It's so hard to just throw in the towel on a relationship that I think only began to blossom.
Monday, March 21
Mr. T Continued
T, I called him that because I couldn't pronounce his name, and I still can't. He's not from here and the sounds are not in our vocabulary.
T taught me about the fact of life part of a sexual encounter--you want it, you get it. It wasn't that brutally horny American man thing, just a natural urge to fill.
That helped me to relax.
Unfortunately, for our, and my, sake, I was not dilated enough to have sex with him at the time I was with him. We tried, and even though both of us knew the situation, I found it to be on the humiliating side. He was understanding and patient with me. I love him for that.
He had to move back to his country 6 months after we met. I wish I had known what a gift he had given me, because I would have done things so much different.
At this point in time I was just starting my first job and in between living situations, so back with the parents for a while.
Over the next few years, I had relationships which I would term a just plain odd. Between married young men, married older men, lots of partying, and my work at a state psychiatric institution, life was just odd.
In retrospect, I think all of those odd relationships fueled me with the relationship depth I was capable of handling. They never went anywhere, and had no future. That was just the way it was.
I was still dilating, just not so frequent. The emotional stain on that was too hard to deal with.
T taught me about the fact of life part of a sexual encounter--you want it, you get it. It wasn't that brutally horny American man thing, just a natural urge to fill.
That helped me to relax.
Unfortunately, for our, and my, sake, I was not dilated enough to have sex with him at the time I was with him. We tried, and even though both of us knew the situation, I found it to be on the humiliating side. He was understanding and patient with me. I love him for that.
He had to move back to his country 6 months after we met. I wish I had known what a gift he had given me, because I would have done things so much different.
At this point in time I was just starting my first job and in between living situations, so back with the parents for a while.
Over the next few years, I had relationships which I would term a just plain odd. Between married young men, married older men, lots of partying, and my work at a state psychiatric institution, life was just odd.
In retrospect, I think all of those odd relationships fueled me with the relationship depth I was capable of handling. They never went anywhere, and had no future. That was just the way it was.
I was still dilating, just not so frequent. The emotional stain on that was too hard to deal with.
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