This morning I had a major "aha" moment. I have been listening to this book on my Kindle during my drive to work. It's called Love Will Find You: 9 Magnets to Bringing You and Your Soulmate Together by Kathryn Alice. I'm hooked on it. I've learned so much. One of the things I knew but I needed a reminder about was that there's a reason why it doesn't work out with someone: it wasn't supposed to. Furthermore, the book discusses how it is counterproductive to get into the reasons why a relationship didn't work out. We just need to let it go and say it wasn't the right relationship.
Armed with this, I am ready to call my ex again and tell him that it's okay and I would not mind hanging out with him someday. I do like a lot of things about him. I just need to be sure that I am completely over him.
The other thing the book said that I never knew was that many of us imagine former lovers as our potential soulmate when we are "looking" for that person. The reality is that in doing this, we are self-limiting. We need to be open and in order to do this, we need to let go of the past. The right person will be someone that we don't have to work to fit with, it will just happen very naturally.
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Speaking of letting go of the past, I was reading The Nine Rooms of Happiness by Lucy Danzinger and it made me think of my MRKH. The rooms of your house are areas of your life where parts of you live. You can drag in stuff from other rooms/have a very untidy room and mess up other areas of your house. After reading this book, I came to the realization that my basement is full of MRKH. It really has distracted my relationship life. I'm in the process of "normalcy," accepting the challenges I have had, and moving on. It's crazy that I'm 31 and just finally feeling nearly at peace with it all. I know some girls accept it quickly and move on. It's been my personal struggle.
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My ex inspired me while we were dating to go to the gynecologist. I have not been to one since 2004, when I moved out of state. Its terribly emotional, and I didn't want to go to a new person. I have explained the condition to more medical providers than I care to remember. Most have displayed an attitude of "whatever, no big deal." I dislike answering the nurse questions about the period thing. My sister tells me it's good not to have it. I'll write about the new gynecologist Friday or sometime this weekend.
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www.mrkhlife.com
Tuesday, January 10
Sunday, January 8
New Beginnings, New Times
Okay...so maybe you're wondering how the whole single gal thing has gone. It's tough to go from coupled to single in such short time. It's difficult to think of sharing myself, my story, yet one more time. I can do it.
I still have not talked to him. In a fit of just needing to get my feelings out, I sent him an email that addressed his "reasons" for breaking up with me.
I am sure that you are probably thinking that I am insane (at least some of you). It's really not that crazy. As we age, I think that we all need to be more flexible in our expectations of a partner, and really look to what the ultimate goal of a relationship is for you as an individual. I don't need to share all of my interests with him.
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One of the things I addressed in my note to him was about sex, which even though he didn't mention it in the breakup, I think it may have played a role. We were together for three months. That's not enough time for me to fully relax with a guy in that manner, in fact, I never really have. But I am finally, finally, beginning to feel the MRKH "problem" go away.
Meaning, that I know my vagina works now (thank heavens). I don't even know how to describe this to a guy other than if he were born without a penis. That's a difficult descriptor too, because men can see each other's. Women don't know the normal appearance, function of others vaginas. Really, I know that may sound crazy but its true.
So I started reading What Your Mom Never Told You About S-E-X. For MRKH'ers of all ages who feel insecurity about their bodies, I would recommend this read. It tells you all about anatomy, sex, pleasure, yada yada. I think it will help.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So I'm working on developing my friend base again. I have friends here and there, but I would like to be a part of a group. Thursday night I went out with a colleague for happy hour. Friday I invited one of my neighbors over and we had some wine together. This afternoon I went to a Meetup group. Tonight I am meeting my parents. I have other things that I am going to start doing including church and more Meetup groups, classes at the gym.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Till later.
check out my other website: www.mrkhlife.com
I still have not talked to him. In a fit of just needing to get my feelings out, I sent him an email that addressed his "reasons" for breaking up with me.
I am sure that you are probably thinking that I am insane (at least some of you). It's really not that crazy. As we age, I think that we all need to be more flexible in our expectations of a partner, and really look to what the ultimate goal of a relationship is for you as an individual. I don't need to share all of my interests with him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One of the things I addressed in my note to him was about sex, which even though he didn't mention it in the breakup, I think it may have played a role. We were together for three months. That's not enough time for me to fully relax with a guy in that manner, in fact, I never really have. But I am finally, finally, beginning to feel the MRKH "problem" go away.
Meaning, that I know my vagina works now (thank heavens). I don't even know how to describe this to a guy other than if he were born without a penis. That's a difficult descriptor too, because men can see each other's. Women don't know the normal appearance, function of others vaginas. Really, I know that may sound crazy but its true.
So I started reading What Your Mom Never Told You About S-E-X. For MRKH'ers of all ages who feel insecurity about their bodies, I would recommend this read. It tells you all about anatomy, sex, pleasure, yada yada. I think it will help.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So I'm working on developing my friend base again. I have friends here and there, but I would like to be a part of a group. Thursday night I went out with a colleague for happy hour. Friday I invited one of my neighbors over and we had some wine together. This afternoon I went to a Meetup group. Tonight I am meeting my parents. I have other things that I am going to start doing including church and more Meetup groups, classes at the gym.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Till later.
check out my other website: www.mrkhlife.com
Sunday, December 25
Christmas 2011
Merry Christmas!
I am back for a blog or two...time to start working through stuff again...
I was dumped by my boyfriend of three months the day before Christmas. This is my first real boyfriend in several years (sans a man in a marriage that if known, I could turn inside out). I made myself available, to an available person.
He told me that he could not be himself with me. I have no idea who I dated over the past three months. It wasn't "him" and it's devastating.
I am hurting inside. Badly. I just began to feel comfortable with him sexually, and really felt that we were beginning to make strides in the right direction as we grew and got to know each other. It's so hard to just throw in the towel on a relationship that I think only began to blossom.
I am back for a blog or two...time to start working through stuff again...
I was dumped by my boyfriend of three months the day before Christmas. This is my first real boyfriend in several years (sans a man in a marriage that if known, I could turn inside out). I made myself available, to an available person.
He told me that he could not be himself with me. I have no idea who I dated over the past three months. It wasn't "him" and it's devastating.
I am hurting inside. Badly. I just began to feel comfortable with him sexually, and really felt that we were beginning to make strides in the right direction as we grew and got to know each other. It's so hard to just throw in the towel on a relationship that I think only began to blossom.
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