Updates and Life

Hi,

I've been busy adding the commentary that is from my other site today to this one.  :)  Everything is here now.

My game on diet is working well.  It was a rough start but I have lost 3 lbs already (weighing in at 142 now) which is one of the lowest weights I have been at for some time.  I'm happy about that.

I had a 'date' with my recent ex Friday, only he showed up 35 minutes late, which by that time I had decided to go home.  The plan was to meet after work for me, and after his class.  Well he never let me know it was going late and I got tired of waiting.  I thought I was going to be stood up. I went home.

This weekend I went home to my parent's house to celebrate my mom's birthday.  Yesterday I went to the beach alone and took a long walk in the sand.  It felt great.  I needed that and have been fantasizing about that for a long time.  I always wonder what the human fascination with water is.  We are just obsessed with bodies of water.  Perhaps its how the expanse of water reminds us of how small we really are.  Today has just been a chill day and I have liked that too.

I'm really thinking a lot lately about several things:
1.  I want some girlfriends here.  I've lived here for 6 years and haven't fostered any of those relationships.  I need to spend more time working on that.  It's hard when so many girls my age are focused on their relationships and/or kids.
2.  I want a relationship.  I don't want to spend my entire life alone.
3.  I'm trying to figure out the best way to invest some money so perhaps I have something to live on when I am old and gray (wait, I'm graying already!).

That's all for now.

May-o

It's May 2012.  Every time between these blog postings I always think so much has happened.  It really does.  So much happens in such small pieces of time but at the same time nothing happens.  Strange.

Dating--I have gone on a few dates with the guy who dumped me at Christmas.  He wants to be friends, but it is advancing a bit.  I don't think that we will be together in the long run and I need to remember that so I don't get wrapped up in a wasted relationship.  I want true love, and I don't see it here.

Death--This is my first post since my grandpa passed away.  He died Easter week and so did grandma, four years earlier.  My mom reminded me that he called her after she told him that I wouldn't have kids (no more detail than that) and told her that if anyone could handle it well I could.  That nearly brings tears to my eyes thinking about that.  I really feel that I need to live up to that.  I don't always feel that I have.  I've been studying heaven lately and reading books about it.  It is reinvigorating my faith and I needed that.

Diet--I am going to do the Game On! diet with a bunch of people at work.  This should be fun.  I've been feeling pretty chunky lately.  We are supposed to lose 1% of our body weight each week.  My goal is to lose about 15 lbs in the next few months.

That's kind of a hodgepodge of stuff but that's what's up.

Spring is in the air

...flowers everywhere!

I'm feeling a bit lonely these days.  I'm trying to work the law of attraction for a new relationship.  It's the way I have gotten new jobs.  Since I posted last time, I was promoted and now am doing work that I feel better suits my background.  I'm super excited.

But I'm plagued I think sometimes...I look at the relationship side of life and I struggle.  Professionally, I would say I've got my stuff together, but personally I could use some help.

I don't have many local girlfriends...none who are my age.  I swear that most every girl I know who is my age does not want to hang out because they are in a relationship, married, or married with kids.  It's a quandry because I miss that girl time.  I have lots of girlfriends who live in other states, and I talk to many often, but they don't have the ability to meet me somewhere to do something girly.

I'm still working on the sexuality piece.  I don't know when that is going to get easy.  I just don't know how I would communicate with a guy what is truly in my head; from the insecurities to the obscure fantasy.  It does make me feel alone, but I know deep down with the right person it will feel right and be easier.

Speaking of sex...I am also making a broad generalization that many men in their 30's are not looking for relationships, just FTF (friends that F@@@).  I have had at least three of those in the last year.  I don't project myself in that manner (I think you can get that from what I write) but I seem to bring those losers to me.  I've paid a big emotional price for my sexuality, and I'm not giving it away.