Heaven and Dating

Since Grandpa died, I have been spending time reading about heaven.  This is the heaven of Christianity.  The more I read about it, the more I am thinking "take me, I'm ready NOW!"  That's not depression, it sounds like the most fabulous place you could ever be.  I can see where people who are given the option to go toward the light or go back to earth, choose the light.  I pray to have the courage to go to the known unknown heaven when given the option.

I've also started working on dating again.  I actually posted a profile on OkCupid.  Tell me if I'm crazy.  I posted a profile before on Match and Eharmony and they were both awful.  This one is free and it seems like there are some interesting guys on there.  I am picky though.  I tend to attract what I feel are losers--guys who are not really ambitious and I think that they clammer toward my open nature.  I don't mind knowing some people like that but I don't want to date them because they would drive me crazy.  Funny thing is though, that for guys I express interest in, I don't get a response.  I have to chalk it up to the fact that it is just not the right time.

There's this side of me though that does debate on being single for some time.  I have been hearing from my married friends that it's not as easy/fun as one would expect to be married.  One of my bigger hangups is the sex piece and also hoping that the guy does not have a real hankering for kids.  I just don't see that in the cards in this lifetime.  Adoption to me sounds really draining and difficult.

Time will only tell.

Saturday

I'm going to get my hair cut and highlighted today and I am looking forward to doing that.  Life has been super weird lately.  I am thinking that the solar flares going on have something to do with it.

Regarding my diet--I've lost 3 lbs but need to lose 1.4 lbs by Monday.  It's a crash on the already restrictive diet that I am doing this weekend.  I'm working out twice today and three times tomorrow.  I will make weight for the team.  When I am done with this thing, I am not going on a diet again.

My dad is off with his brother working on an estate sale today with my grandpa's stuff.  That's still hard for me to think about and it makes me tearful just thinking about it.  I have a hard time thinking of my grandparent's things in so many other people's houses.  The harder part is knowing that I will never have a conversation with grandpa again.  I have 10 voicemails on my phone that I cannot delete.  It's too hard and I'm not capturing them at the right time to record them.

TTYL.

Updates and Life

Hi,

I've been busy adding the commentary that is from my other site today to this one.  :)  Everything is here now.

My game on diet is working well.  It was a rough start but I have lost 3 lbs already (weighing in at 142 now) which is one of the lowest weights I have been at for some time.  I'm happy about that.

I had a 'date' with my recent ex Friday, only he showed up 35 minutes late, which by that time I had decided to go home.  The plan was to meet after work for me, and after his class.  Well he never let me know it was going late and I got tired of waiting.  I thought I was going to be stood up. I went home.

This weekend I went home to my parent's house to celebrate my mom's birthday.  Yesterday I went to the beach alone and took a long walk in the sand.  It felt great.  I needed that and have been fantasizing about that for a long time.  I always wonder what the human fascination with water is.  We are just obsessed with bodies of water.  Perhaps its how the expanse of water reminds us of how small we really are.  Today has just been a chill day and I have liked that too.

I'm really thinking a lot lately about several things:
1.  I want some girlfriends here.  I've lived here for 6 years and haven't fostered any of those relationships.  I need to spend more time working on that.  It's hard when so many girls my age are focused on their relationships and/or kids.
2.  I want a relationship.  I don't want to spend my entire life alone.
3.  I'm trying to figure out the best way to invest some money so perhaps I have something to live on when I am old and gray (wait, I'm graying already!).

That's all for now.