Time to Let Go

Periodically I search YouTube videos for new ones on MRKH.  This one was posted by Death By Glitter.  I really like the range of issues and emotions conveyed on this video.  She did a great job describing so many of the issues I personally have felt, and I am sure you have too.  Take a look and I am sure you will be moved.  It's MRKH life.

On other news, my dating prospect is practically over now.  Back to the drawing board if that's what you call it.  Back to nada, but that seems to be okay for now.

MRKH Revelations to Yet Another Man

So this weekend I revealed to the guy I am dating about my MRKH and it's ramifications.

He didn't really think it was a big deal.  However, he did make a comment that he may want to have his own kids because he likes to play with them...be a big kid.

It still feels like a big deal to me.

The levels of complication I feel this causes for relationships is what bugs me--

• Effects the present--sex is challenging because I don't feel confident in it due to my MRKH, religious background, and life timing.  Sex isn't free for me.  I think sex comes with a price.
• Effects the future--no biological family in my future...adoption is an option but as time goes by seems less appealing in a lot of ways.

Guys are strange in their reaction.  I never know how to tell them but it's such a part of me that I feel that I need to do this.  I think for the right person, it will not be a big deal but there will be empathy for the life journey.

I feel naked after I have told another person about it.  Very vulnerable and I don't like that. 

After this revelation, I'm waiting for his full reaction.  So far, he's stuck with me and it's not deterring us.

We shall see what the future brings...more to come...

Sex Preparations (Dilation Today)

August is my lucky month.  I met someone on Labor day weekend and it's going really well.  We met through a colleague of mine.  He's younger than me but I'm finding that I'm into him and he's into me.

We have not had sex, yet...Not sure if I am going to go there but I want to be ready if I do.

So I'm dilating again.  I haven't had sex in nearly a year.  I wasn't overly deep and I want to work on that.  I remember the pain for the first times and upon entrance, the vaginal walls ache.  I think that my gynecologist told me that she had something she could give me for that.  I think I am going to ask for that.  I'd also like some Xanax but I don't think that I am going to be getting that.  

I have lots of things to work through in my head...like the fact that everyone is different and we have to communicate what turns us on...but some of that is really hard for me to do.  Sexual communication is almost a foreign language for me.

This guy I am dating was telling me the other night that he was watching the 40 Year Old Virgin movie.  He said that he believes there are people out there like that.  I feel pretty darn close when it comes to sex.  

So for the next month or so, my vibrator is getting used to prepare me so if I feel right about it, I have the option to have sex without much initial pain.

:)

Fun times.