Right Round

You spin my head right round...

That song's playing on my Pandora music station right now.

I would say that my head is definitely spinning around right now.

I'm reading the book Middlesex right now and it's about a hermaphrodite and the development of his family that led to his sexual organs developing the way they did.  I think that those with MRKH questioning sexuality, or just exploring societal expectations of sexuality would find this book super interesting.  I found the first 25 pages hard to get into but now that I am, the book is flowing.  I feel like I relate to the main character in the book seeing all of the assumed roles in sexuality and feeling like it's so misunderstood.  I really feel that sexuality is a continuum.  There are pure heterosexuals at one end of the spectrum and at the complete other side are pure homosexuals.  A huge portion of the population falls somewhere in between those two continuums.  I feel more toward the male end of the spectrum but also find some females attractive.  I don't think we're all wired to be completely one way or the other and society in general has a difficulty with the middle ground.  The absurd part is that a lot of us are in the middle of it all.  My MRKH has caused me to question sexuality often and to be accepting of whoever anyone likes, or the community that each identifies with.

What are your thoughts?

Excitement

Happy Holidays!  It's strange how quick this time of year comes around.  I'm listening to classical Christmas piano music as I write tonight.  A lot of inside work has been going on over the past month.

First and probably foremost right now, my job is up in the air and I am looking at my options.  It's time for me to make a change but I need to stay where I am also.  My goal now is to become an entrepreneur of sorts.  I see a web based business in my future.  A variety of different ideas have been going though my head and I think that I pegged a great one that I will be developing as I hold my full time job.

I've been working on further defining what I want out of life, both career and personal.  Personally, I really do want to have a boyfriend again and I want this to be the last one.  I think it's totally possible right now.  My fantasy is that I find a super smart, chill guy who is just up for anything and has his stuff together.  On my fitness goals, I signed up for a half marathon.  It's my first ever and I am so not a runner that I am super excited about it.  This will be in May.  I'm up to 6.5 miles, but I've got a lot of work to do on that.  It's a great work distraction.

I've been on a marathon of AWKWARD. on MTV.com today.  I admire in some strange way Jenna's freedom with her sexuality.  I wish that I had that, and that I have that now.  It's really not there for me very easily.  I have to really trust before I let go and that takes lots of time.  Sometimes we all just feel AWKWARD.  

That's it for now.

Time to Let Go

Periodically I search YouTube videos for new ones on MRKH.  This one was posted by Death By Glitter.  I really like the range of issues and emotions conveyed on this video.  She did a great job describing so many of the issues I personally have felt, and I am sure you have too.  Take a look and I am sure you will be moved.  It's MRKH life.

On other news, my dating prospect is practically over now.  Back to the drawing board if that's what you call it.  Back to nada, but that seems to be okay for now.