Home to You

This morning as I settled into my desk and booted my computer, I was alerted with an email from my friend Jason (name changed).

Jason is an old friend from the church I grew up in.  He's an analytical type computer programmer who is as adventurous as the person he is with.  I can pull him out of his shell, but it's not necessarily easy. He and I spent time together about 10 years ago.

I remember the initiation of our friendship.  He called me one day and asked me if I wanted to go out for ice cream.  I told him that I couldn't because I was lactose intolerant.

Then he asked me if I wanted to go out for some coffee.  I told him that I didn't drink coffee.

He later told me that he just about gave up on me.  The weird part is that I don't remember what I agreed to go out with him and actually do the first time we spent time together.

Regardless, we had a hard time finding a connection, until we discovered that we both had an obsession with George Strait.

I worked at the State Psychiatric Institution then and we spent a lot of weekends with the interns who were near our age at local bars.  One of my favorite pastimes in my early 20's was to follow this band around to every bar it went to.  They did super covers.

So Jason fell for one of the interns.  He ended up staying one night at their house because he was too drunk to drive home.  He started dating Rose (name changed).  It broke his heart when she left back to her home state.  We spent some long nights talking about how he missed her. I told Jason at the time that I felt Rose was a bit immature because of the way she wanted to party, but he didn't listen to me.

Jason and I dated briefly after that.  I just knew in my heart that he was not the one for me and I was the one who ended it.  He came to my house and cried.

Within a month or so, I left the state and he was in Rose's home state, marrying her.  I really don't think that it was over a few months that they dated.

They've been married ever since, and now have a child.

Jason's email this morning was short and to the point 'You were right.  Rose couldn't handle a child and she left me.'

I hadn't talked to Jason in 10 years outside of brief church greetings.  That message crushed me.  I really thought everything was okay.

I opened the door for him to call me, but we'll have to see if that happens.  I'm not sure if he will.

I'm doubting marriage more and more as this one comes to a close and I keep encountering marriage situations that are very uncomfortable.

Tonight, I dedicate this John Michael Montgomery to him and hope that his life will straighten itself out:

Lidocaine

I've learned another trick for dilation that I wanted to share with you.  My doctor prescribed lidocaine because I have had painful sex, usually upon insertion.  This only started happening with my last boyfriend and it was really painful for the first few minutes.  I know he felt bad about the pain.  Once inserted and a little rhythm going, it stopped.

When I went to the doctor for my checkup last year, she prescribed me the lidocaine.  She told me to put it at the opening and use it for that initial insertion.  The numbing nature of this made me think about the guy, and I would think that the guy should probably be wearing a condom when using this (so he doesn't get numb).

I haven't used the lidocaine for sex, but I am using it for dilation.  Insertion of dilation, depending on the angle, can be very painful as well.  I have been putting the lidocaine around the edges of my vagina, then using my vibrator dilator covered in Astroglide for the dilation.

If you have any pain, this may be a solution that works for you too.

MRKH and Warts, Part 2

So my disgusting plantar wart is not gone yet.

I decided to go to the doctor again because through my HMO, I had to get a new one since my other had retired.  This was also a good excuse to get to know her a little.

When I went in, I experienced much of the usual process.  Weight, temperature, blood pressure...all fine and dandy.  Then we went back to the room and the medical assistant started to put in my vitals into the computer.

She asked me then about my periods and about why I don't get them.  I told her I was not born with all of the parts.  She told me that wasn't an option in the computer and politely proceeded to continue to fill out my vitals.

I was thinking right then that it was somewhat offensive on the part of the medical community to not have an "other" fill it in option for not having a period.  Not an option, really?  It wasn't my choice to be born this way either.  I'm not frustrated with the medical assistant, she was politely doing her job, but  the continual reminders and questions upon receiving medical treatment (for a wart nonetheless!), is hard.

I've spoken my peace tonight.