Dilation Fascination

I've been looking over the statistics of what people are reading on my blog and the bulk of the searches are for dilation.

I want to reach out to you and let you know that I am happy to share any information/answer any questions with my experiences on dilation.

Feel free to write in a comment (you can do it anonymously), or pop me an email at mrkhlife@gmail.com

I'm here for you.  I am  you.  We share this experience together.

http://www.mrkhlife.blogspot.com/p/dilate-painlessly.html

http://www.mrkhlife.blogspot.com/2011/01/dilation-treatment.html

http://www.mrkhlife.blogspot.com/2013/04/lidocaine.html

A Message From Your Guardian Angel

For YOU.

With Love,

Your Angels

Destiny is Awaiting

My grandpa passed away a year ago April 5...June 12 would have been his 93rd birthday.  He had a great life.

After he passed away I began my fascination with heaven.  I have been driven to know more about it.  It has actually been a great experience for me.  I've learned a lot and continue to as I explore it further.  My next venture into heaven is to read The Shack.

You are probably wondering now what that has to do with MRKH.

I could probably spin this in a lot of different ways here.  Talk about God's decision for my body, what MRKH means for me in heaven...

Really what I am thinking about is my work-life balance (what is my life's purpose?  I don't want to die at my desk).  I am struggling to maintain any semblance of balance right now because of my workload.  The executives keep shifting and reorganizing and it is driving me batty.

My balance right now is way off.  I am so swamped with work right now I want to bite someones head off.  My boss knows no balance.

What I find interesting is how people are able to use their spouses and kids as excuses to get out of stuff.  I seriously think that some people use them as crutches.  It makes me want to be with someone or have kids sometimes.

Maybe that would provide the balance I need.  I don't know.  I feel really stuck right now.

If I look back on my dating life, I can honestly say at this point it has been my MRKH that has kept me single in my life.  At this point, I feel ho hum about sex.  I could take it or leave it.  I hear that's not a normal reaction to sex.  I don't think that in the time I have been capable of it that it's ever been that spectacular.  I'm finding in my 30's I am able to relax easier but the overall experience is not generally something I crave.

Sometimes I think that being with someone, I would be able to balance life out a little easier.  That person would have their goals and I would have mine and we could blend them together and work toward something common.

Then there's the other side of me that's happy being the only decision maker for me.  I have this huge drive to leave the city and live in the country or in a small town.  It's not always the same dream of your partner.  I don't want to give that one up.

So I would say that my mind is in a place of limbo.  Limbo about the career that I have made and limbo about the relationship I never had and I don't think I will.

Thanks But No Thanks. That's What I Won't Do.

I'm in a strange place.

Men don't want to date me, they just want sex.

Is that because I don't meet their expectations for dating?  Do I look like a good lay?  Why can't I get a commitment (after all, they want a commitment for a sex only relationship)?  Is that what they want with a 30+ year old?  Am I used/damaged goods?

CASE A: Over a year ago, a guy that I met on Match.com and had a lot in common with announced on a phone call that he didn't want to date me.  He wasn't feeling it.  6 months later, we were at a happy hour and after that he told me basically that he would just like a physical relationship.  After that, he said that would not be fair to me (I don't know why he bothered to ponder how I may feel but he was right).  I thought about it, but really knew that I couldn't do it.  We didn't talk for another year after that.  He's pursuing me again, for yes, sex.  Now this is a strange turn of events that I really am not impressed with.

CASE B:  I met another guy when I was volunteering several years ago.  We have been in communication off and on for the past 5 years.  He contacted me after he broke up with his girlfriend and we went out a few times.  He started getting physical.  I wasn't into it and talked to him about what he wanted.  He didn't want a girlfriend, just sex.  I told him that I don't do that and I cut off all communication to him.  He contacted me again in the past month, to which I didn't respond.

CASE C:  This guy I actually had a sexual relationship with.  I knew that it wasn't going to go anywhere but I felt like it this time.  In talking to him recently, I think all he really wanted was the sex.

And on and on...

The line I dislike the most is "guys have certain needs......" What the hell?  I would say girls do too but we're not so animal about it all.

I'm sticking to my guns now and no purely sexual relationships.  It's not easy to have sex (dilation and all of the painful preparation) and I need it to be with someone that I am emotionally connected to.  I'm a woman with a conscience and a very caring person.  Sex is not free and I am a beautiful person willing to be with a super guy.

Have you encountered this much in your dating?