Monday, January 25

confessions

These are my confessions.

I have been avoiding this blog for a year because I have been hoping that MRKH hasn't defined my life.  I think that I am lying to myself about that one.  It has in many ways.   I'm starting to think more about my sexuality and I am feeling more intersexed than ever.  I do like men but I like women too.  I haven't dated in about 3 years.  My "sugar daddy" complicated relationship, ended this last week after 8 years.  I know that there is a reason or a purpose to all of this but I am wondering what it is.

Will I ever feel that I fit in a real relationship?

Ok, let's take this one apart a little more.

I meet someone.  We go on a date or two.  We are attracted to each other.

I have to make sure that I am dilating (we may have sex at some point), ideally long before dating because it takes a while to be stretched.

I am getting anxiety about whether or not he will fit in the vaginal space.

I am getting anxiety about telling him.

I hope he doesn't want kids.

It's time to have sex.  The moment is right.

I don't enjoy it as much as I think I should.  It's kind of boring, really.

But I enjoy the foreplay and kissing.

That is life.  It's good being alone in a lot of ways, but there are those times that I wish I could meet someone who gets it.  It may be nice to date someone who is intersex too, that may be easier.

MRKH truth.