Tuesday, June 19

Neovaginas

Hi,

I just wanted to call out for those of us who have not undergone any treatment but are thinking about it.  The neovagina process sounds like it is much better than the dilation I went through.  Here is a link to the experts on it and if I were you, I would check them out.  http://www.prweb.com/releases/2012/6/prweb9529587.htm




Sunday, June 17

MRKH Story

So I know you've been reading my story...what's yours?  Feel free to post it here!  We're a secret society so I appreciate knowing what you've been through/are going through.

If you're looking on this page, wondering what other girls are going through, write your story...new stories bring new stories.  We're in this together.


Friday, June 15

MRKH and Warts

Today I went to get a wart removed off the bottom of my foot.  The medical assistant did all of the check in stuff--weighing me, took my temperature, took my blood pressure, etc.  She took me into the room and asked me when I had my last period.  Then I had to explain to her that I don't get periods.  She asked me if I had a hysterectomy.  I told her no, I was born that way...Can't tell you how many times I am sick of that question at the doctor's office!

How about you?

MRKH at the Bar

So Wednesday night I went out with a couple of my colleagues, Jim and Tom (no those are not their real names), to a bar.  Jim is about 38ish and Tom is 50.  We had a great time just sitting around talking.  Being with guys, you know that the topic of sex is likely to come up, and it did.  They made some comments about how old they were when they had sex for the first time.  I didn't contribute to that.  I had said earlier that I don't kiss and tell.  Jim asked what my wildest college story was and I told him about this time that I ended up on three inadvertent dates within a 48 hour period (how I met T).  Jim and Tom both asked if I slept with the last one and I said no, that's not the way I am.  Jim made some comment about how many guys I had been with sexually and guessed 1.  He's pretty close.

These kind of conversations make me scream in my head...why does sex have to be such an ordeal?  Why did I make it that way then and why does MRKH get in my head so much and rule relationships?

I'm okay joking around with guys about sex because I hear that talk frequently anyway, but when it comes to myself, it's more challenging.

Jim also said something about kids to me and I said that I couldn't have them and that I was just born that way.  He seemed surprised and I think that I caught him off guard.  I just told him that I didn't have a uterus and the ovaries didn't connect to anything.  He asked if I had a period and I told him no.  My general rule of thumb is that this is ok to talk about but when it comes down (literally) to the vagina and sex, that's a place I don't discuss.  Jim made some comments about sex and how it's really overrated often and Tom stepped away to go to the bathroom.   Once Tom was gone, Jim asked me about what the situation was like, dating and not being able to have kids.  Right now honestly, the whole thing gets me a bit emotional.  I don't remember exactly what I told him but I said that it is the way it is...nothing I can do to change the situation and make it any different.

The next day, even though I didn't say anything that I wouldn't tell most people, I felt like my soul was naked.  For some reason, MRKH discussions bring that out for me.

So that's MRKH and the bar...

Tuesday, June 12

Game Over!

Today my grandpa would have been 92...This year he is celebrating with his parents, siblings, grandma and lots of old friends in heaven.

The Game On! diet is finally over.  It ended on Monday and my body couldn't be happier.  I ended up weighing 140.3 at the end of the game.  Of course, on Sunday, I subsisted on lemons, string cheese, and almonds.  Needless to say, I am finally nourishing myself the way my body wants.  I'm finding renewed energy for my workouts as well.  I didn't know what a slug I was becoming.  I plan on maintaining this weight loss but my own way.  The game taught me balance in what I eat, to drink a lot of water, break some bad habits, and gain some healthy ones.     My bad habit was not putting my clothes away each night, so I did that.  My new good habit was to read 25-30 pages each night.  I never craved new variety in my diet before as I did by the end of this game.  I tried Kale chips last night.  I didn't like them, but it was fun to try.  I also got some okra and will figure out how to prepare it.

The summer is taking off.  My house is being remediated because they forgot to put flashing on the windows so we have a lot of mold.  It's a fiasco right now.  They will be starting on my building soon (I live in a condo).  I'm headed off to my sister's house to see her family and one of my cousins and her family are coming too.  It's my first vacation this year.  I bought a book on photography and plan on maxing out the capabilities of my camera.  I'll post a few pictures on here once I get going.  I bought a Mac in the last month too, so I hear that the picture capabilities on this are great.

I posted a profile on okcupid.com last weekend.  I don't think that I held it up for more than a few days.  I know only one person needs to like me but I was not getting any hits after they read my profile.  Dating in your 30's just plain sucks.  I don't know how to otherwise describe it.  Pile on the MRKH, which as you know is my baggage, and you've got a challenge as a guy,  The thing that kills me on the site is that it is like a menu at a restaurant and ridiculously prescriptive.  A lot of guys say that they want to have families and they are in their late 30's...I'm thinking "buddy you're a little late on that one." The other thing that people assume (and I know MRKH girls already know) is that they CAN have kids.  That in and of itself is a crapshoot.  I mean lots of people who think that they can conceive struggle with it.  It ends relationships.  When I tell guys about the MRKH and the kids situation I tell them that it is a blessing and curse to know it up front.  I know I have a lot to offer the right person, and I'm so ready for him to get here.  

Wednesday, June 6

Heaven and Dating

Since Grandpa died, I have been spending time reading about heaven.  This is the heaven of Christianity.  The more I read about it, the more I am thinking "take me, I'm ready NOW!"  That's not depression, it sounds like the most fabulous place you could ever be.  I can see where people who are given the option to go toward the light or go back to earth, choose the light.  I pray to have the courage to go to the known unknown heaven when given the option.

I've also started working on dating again.  I actually posted a profile on OkCupid.  Tell me if I'm crazy.  I posted a profile before on Match and Eharmony and they were both awful.  This one is free and it seems like there are some interesting guys on there.  I am picky though.  I tend to attract what I feel are losers--guys who are not really ambitious and I think that they clammer toward my open nature.  I don't mind knowing some people like that but I don't want to date them because they would drive me crazy.  Funny thing is though, that for guys I express interest in, I don't get a response.  I have to chalk it up to the fact that it is just not the right time.

There's this side of me though that does debate on being single for some time.  I have been hearing from my married friends that it's not as easy/fun as one would expect to be married.  One of my bigger hangups is the sex piece and also hoping that the guy does not have a real hankering for kids.  I just don't see that in the cards in this lifetime.  Adoption to me sounds really draining and difficult.

Time will only tell.

Saturday, June 2

Saturday

I'm going to get my hair cut and highlighted today and I am looking forward to doing that.  Life has been super weird lately.  I am thinking that the solar flares going on have something to do with it.

Regarding my diet--I've lost 3 lbs but need to lose 1.4 lbs by Monday.  It's a crash on the already restrictive diet that I am doing this weekend.  I'm working out twice today and three times tomorrow.  I will make weight for the team.  When I am done with this thing, I am not going on a diet again.

My dad is off with his brother working on an estate sale today with my grandpa's stuff.  That's still hard for me to think about and it makes me tearful just thinking about it.  I have a hard time thinking of my grandparent's things in so many other people's houses.  The harder part is knowing that I will never have a conversation with grandpa again.  I have 10 voicemails on my phone that I cannot delete.  It's too hard and I'm not capturing them at the right time to record them.

TTYL.