T, I called him that because I couldn't pronounce his name, and I still can't. He's not from here and the sounds are not in our vocabulary.
T taught me about the fact of life part of a sexual encounter--you want it, you get it. It wasn't that brutally horny American man thing, just a natural urge to fill.
That helped me to relax.
Unfortunately, for our, and my, sake, I was not dilated enough to have sex with him at the time I was with him. We tried, and even though both of us knew the situation, I found it to be on the humiliating side. He was understanding and patient with me. I love him for that.
He had to move back to his country 6 months after we met. I wish I had known what a gift he had given me, because I would have done things so much different.
At this point in time I was just starting my first job and in between living situations, so back with the parents for a while.
Over the next few years, I had relationships which I would term a just plain odd. Between married young men, married older men, lots of partying, and my work at a state psychiatric institution, life was just odd.
In retrospect, I think all of those odd relationships fueled me with the relationship depth I was capable of handling. They never went anywhere, and had no future. That was just the way it was.
I was still dilating, just not so frequent. The emotional stain on that was too hard to deal with.
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