So Wednesday night I went out with a couple of my colleagues, Jim and Tom (no those are not their real names), to a bar. Jim is about 38ish and Tom is 50. We had a great time just sitting around talking. Being with guys, you know that the topic of sex is likely to come up, and it did. They made some comments about how old they were when they had sex for the first time. I didn't contribute to that. I had said earlier that I don't kiss and tell. Jim asked what my wildest college story was and I told him about this time that I ended up on three inadvertent dates within a 48 hour period (how I met T). Jim and Tom both asked if I slept with the last one and I said no, that's not the way I am. Jim made some comment about how many guys I had been with sexually and guessed 1. He's pretty close.
These kind of conversations make me scream in my head...why does sex have to be such an ordeal? Why did I make it that way then and why does MRKH get in my head so much and rule relationships?
I'm okay joking around with guys about sex because I hear that talk frequently anyway, but when it comes to myself, it's more challenging.
Jim also said something about kids to me and I said that I couldn't have them and that I was just born that way. He seemed surprised and I think that I caught him off guard. I just told him that I didn't have a uterus and the ovaries didn't connect to anything. He asked if I had a period and I told him no. My general rule of thumb is that this is ok to talk about but when it comes down (literally) to the vagina and sex, that's a place I don't discuss. Jim made some comments about sex and how it's really overrated often and Tom stepped away to go to the bathroom. Once Tom was gone, Jim asked me about what the situation was like, dating and not being able to have kids. Right now honestly, the whole thing gets me a bit emotional. I don't remember exactly what I told him but I said that it is the way it is...nothing I can do to change the situation and make it any different.
The next day, even though I didn't say anything that I wouldn't tell most people, I felt like my soul was naked. For some reason, MRKH discussions bring that out for me.
So that's MRKH and the bar...
These kind of conversations make me scream in my head...why does sex have to be such an ordeal? Why did I make it that way then and why does MRKH get in my head so much and rule relationships?
I'm okay joking around with guys about sex because I hear that talk frequently anyway, but when it comes to myself, it's more challenging.
Jim also said something about kids to me and I said that I couldn't have them and that I was just born that way. He seemed surprised and I think that I caught him off guard. I just told him that I didn't have a uterus and the ovaries didn't connect to anything. He asked if I had a period and I told him no. My general rule of thumb is that this is ok to talk about but when it comes down (literally) to the vagina and sex, that's a place I don't discuss. Jim made some comments about sex and how it's really overrated often and Tom stepped away to go to the bathroom. Once Tom was gone, Jim asked me about what the situation was like, dating and not being able to have kids. Right now honestly, the whole thing gets me a bit emotional. I don't remember exactly what I told him but I said that it is the way it is...nothing I can do to change the situation and make it any different.
The next day, even though I didn't say anything that I wouldn't tell most people, I felt like my soul was naked. For some reason, MRKH discussions bring that out for me.
So that's MRKH and the bar...
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