The summer was a challenge for me. I was away from my support group of friends, working on a new routine. I became pretty obsesive compulsive during the last year. I remember being upset when my mom bought me some underwear that didn't match the others in the drawer. Strange.
Anyways, I had a difficult summer. One of the memories that has stayed with me is my family physician. I went to see him at one point because I couldn't handle my head anymore. I wanted drugs again. I didn't know what to do.
He told me that he didn't have his own kids, that it was no big deal.
I never went back to him again.
Did he not know that the emotional ramifications of all of the other aspects of this was insanely difficult to handle? Obviously not. He was insanely insensitive.
One of my best friends in college (and we had an on and off attraction), Mark, surprised me with a visit. He lived over 200 miles away. Seeing him was the breath of fresh air that I needed. We went out hiking and had a lot of quality time together. It was the blessing I needed to pull me through the remainder of the summer.
I started out my Sophomore year in college in heavy counseling again. I met this great guy who lived on the other side of the hall from me, Matt. He was so much fun. I was myself with him. We were both so goofy together. He was a ton of fun, and a sappy romantic. He made me all kinds of cool little things and dropped them around in places for me.
I was relieved to be back in my circle of good friends. The people I met in college were and still are the best friends I have made in my life. I used to think of myself as very stable, but when I think about all of the things I did and the emotional times, I would have to disagree. My friends helped to keep me grounded, and help me to remember to have fun.
The summer between my Sophomore and Junior year, I went home once again for the summer. This time, I had Matt, who lived in another state, but still we talked all of the time. I went and visited him at one point. We had so much fun. His companionship meant a lot to me. He never pressured me sexually. We messed around a little, but really, it was quite innocent. He was a virgin too.
Junior year was a great year. I lived in the student apartments with three other friends. We had a blast. I remember going to Wal Mart on Friday nights (don't ask!) and having fun there. We did a lot of shopping.
Matt and I held strong through the winter, and fell apart in March. He had told me that this girl, Jen, approached him to have sex with her. I told him point blank that if she asked him that, knowing we were together, he should disassociate with her completely. No one worth time would try to break up our relationship. That was so rude.
So, I don't know what happened, but as I say today, Matt followed his pecker to greener pastures. That's the only way I can explain it.
Our relationship ended, and he followed his dick.
That just crushed me. We didn't talk about sex, but it wasn't that I was not open to it, I just needed to go figure out what to do to fix my problem first...
When I left school that year (and even though this crap happened it was a fabulous year), I had contacted the nurse practitioner who had helped me during diagnosis three years prior, to get the name of the professor in Texas who has seen someone with this condition. I contacted the professor, and she connected me with
another physician who was in the city over an hour from my house. Time to start treatment.
That's where I will pick up next time.
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