This morning I had a major "aha" moment. I have been listening to this book on my Kindle during my drive to work. It's called Love Will Find You: 9 Magnets to Bringing You and Your Soulmate Together by Kathryn Alice. I'm hooked on it. I've learned so much. One of the things I knew but I needed a reminder about was that there's a reason why it doesn't work out with someone: it wasn't supposed to. Furthermore, the book discusses how it is counterproductive to get into the reasons why a relationship didn't work out. We just need to let it go and say it wasn't the right relationship.
Armed with this, I am ready to call my ex again and tell him that it's okay and I would not mind hanging out with him someday. I do like a lot of things about him. I just need to be sure that I am completely over him.
The other thing the book said that I never knew was that many of us imagine former lovers as our potential soulmate when we are "looking" for that person. The reality is that in doing this, we are self-limiting. We need to be open and in order to do this, we need to let go of the past. The right person will be someone that we don't have to work to fit with, it will just happen very naturally.
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Speaking of letting go of the past, I was reading The Nine Rooms of Happiness by Lucy Danzinger and it made me think of my MRKH. The rooms of your house are areas of your life where parts of you live. You can drag in stuff from other rooms/have a very untidy room and mess up other areas of your house. After reading this book, I came to the realization that my basement is full of MRKH. It really has distracted my relationship life. I'm in the process of "normalcy," accepting the challenges I have had, and moving on. It's crazy that I'm 31 and just finally feeling nearly at peace with it all. I know some girls accept it quickly and move on. It's been my personal struggle.
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My ex inspired me while we were dating to go to the gynecologist. I have not been to one since 2004, when I moved out of state. Its terribly emotional, and I didn't want to go to a new person. I have explained the condition to more medical providers than I care to remember. Most have displayed an attitude of "whatever, no big deal." I dislike answering the nurse questions about the period thing. My sister tells me it's good not to have it. I'll write about the new gynecologist Friday or sometime this weekend.
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